


Memes Make For Serious Business

by mediocrityatbest



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Multi, he is a transman, just lettin y'all know, thanks to incorrectsanders for letting me write this, this is based off a tumblr text post, trans virgil btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-09-06 02:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20283877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mediocrityatbest/pseuds/mediocrityatbest
Summary: Virgil loves memes perhaps more than is healthy. Still, they make for great conversations.(I don't really know how to summarize this. It's based off this text post by @incorrectsanders on tumblr: https://incorrectsanders.tumblr.com/post/187044179504/virgil-i-cant-deceit-why-virgil-its-bad )





	1. Memes Make For Serious Business

Virgil had been laying on the couch with his feet in Dee’s lap, drinking a smoothie. Logan was sitting on the floor in front of the couch reading. It had been a couple of movies and none of them had felt the need to move. They had officially begun their Disney Movie Marathon. It was just the three of them watching because Roman and Patton liked to watch at Roman’s house. His bed was comfier and bigger, but his brother always managed to get ahold of a copy of his key and interrupt whatever Roman was doing. And no offense to Roman, but not even Disney was worth such prolonged exposure to Remus. (Last time they had ended up with worms in their shoes, and Virgil wasn’t looking forward to seeing Patton start puking again.)

Still, they were doing the marathon separately now. They would have a trivia competition over it when they got through all the movies they could fit into the week with Logan running the whole deal to ensure fairness. (Dee still cheated, but so did Patton. It all evened out in the end.) The competition was more or less for Virgil and Roman’s competitive streak. They had tied every year, and neither would concede the other as the winner.

They had started with the classics yesterday, but then Dee had hijacked the remote and turned on  _ Winnie the Pooh _ . Virgil didn’t mind watching it, but it had interrupted his streak of Disney Princesses, which he liked to do all at the same time.

He hadn't complained too much though. It seemed oddly appropriate.

“Virgil, can you get me a glass of water?” Dee asked from his end of the couch. Virgil thought about it for a moment.

“Nah.”

Dee sighed and paused the t.v. “Can you move your feet, then?” Virgil considered this too.

“I can’t,” he decided. Dee shifted to look Virgil directly in the eyes. They locked into eye contact, and Virgil smirked.

“Why not?” Dee asked. Virgil wormed one of his legs behind Dee’s back and locked his ankles together.

“I can’t,” he repeated, “because it’s bad for the baby.” There was a silence as they stared at each other, a challenge. Piglet stared judgmentally from the screen too, though Virgil didn’t remember inviting him to this conversation.

Virgil broke first. “Ask me who the baby is, Dee.”

“No.”

“C’mon Dee, ask me who the baby is.”

Dee stared right into Virgil’s soul. “No. I'm not gonna do it.”

_ And if you gaze for long into an Abyss, the Abyss gazes also into you, _ Virgil thought smugly. His stare did not waver. “Dee Bishop. Ask me who the baby is.”

“I'm not going to ask that,” Dee said stubbornly. Virgil sighed theatrically, using every ounce of Extra™ that Roman had taught him over the course of their friendship.  (That was a lot of Extra™ for anybody who was curious. So much.)

“Fiiiiiine. Logan!” Virgil smacked Logan in the shoulder a few times. Logan set down his book and turned around.

“Yes, dear?” he asked.

“Ask me who the baby is,” Virgil demanded. Logan glanced between Virgil and Dee, who looked entirely exasperated. Virgil took great pride in helping Logan learn the lingo used today, but he also knew that Logan was only semi-meme literate. Their lessons were long and arduous but Logan was nothing if not a dedicated student.

“Is this one of those me-mes from the internet?”

“Ye-”

“Logaaaaan. Ask me who the baby is.” Virgil started poking Logan, too determined in his quest to even correct Logan’s pronunciation. Dee sighed.

“Let me up or I'll start tickling your feet.”

“I'm not ticklish. I invite you to try. And you're not leaving until Logan asks who the baby is.” Virgil turned away from Dee, valiantly trying to tickle his feet and failing, and looked at Logan with the puppiest eyes he could summon. “Lolo, ask me who the baby is.”

“Who is the baby?” Logan asked, sighing.

“It’s in me,” Virgil said, patting his belly. “ _ Our _ baby.” Dee abruptly stopped what he was doing to stare directly at Virgil who was now smiling softly.

“That's not how that-that’s not how it goes,” Logan said, looking shocked. Virgil shook his head.

“No, Logan. That's not how the meme goes.”

“Wait, are you-?” Dee stopped halfway through the sentence, unable to get any more out. Virgil fished in his pocket for a moment and pulled out a plastic strip. His pregnancy test.

“Not joking,” Virgil said. “Our baby.” He hesitated for a moment and set the test down. “That is, if you want it?”

“You’re pregnant?” Logan breathed. He glanced up at Virgil’s face then back to his belly. “Oh my god.” Logan buried his face in Virgil’s belly and started laughing and crying. Virgil shoved himself into a sitting position, Logan moving with him. He gently held Logan’s head with one hand and extended the other.

“Dee?” Dee was staring at Virgil with an entirely blank expression and Virgil felt the first of the apprehension rise. “Dee, you okay there? Are you hearing me?”

He kept staring blankly for a moment, and Virgil was more afraid that he’d broken Dee than anything else. Then a smile slid across his face like the sun breaking from behind clouds. “We’re gonna be  _ parents _ . With a  _ kid _ .” He threw himself at Virgil and gave him a searing kiss. One hand ghosted over his belly like he thought the slightest touch might hurt him.

“Yeah,” Virgil laughed, relieved. “That’s generally how being parents works.” He wrapped his free arm around Dee and Dee pressed his face into Virgil’s neck.

“Oh goodness,” Logan mumbled and surged up from his spot to give them both kisses. “We-we’re gonna-pregnant! You’re amazing. Amazing, astounding, awe-inspiring,  _ Virgil _ .” Logan devolved into mindless babbling and Virgil laughed again, holding both his boys close.

Eventually, they were all three curled up in a cuddle pile on the couch,  _ Winnie the Pooh _ playing on screen. It had a different feel now, knowing they were in for their own Christopher Robin. But it was good; it was great, even, and Virgil couldn't wait.

Logan fell asleep smiling, head in Virgil’s lap, and Dee went with both arms wrapped around Virgil, holding him closer than was strictly necessary. Virgil loved it, and he loved them, and he loved the tiny person that wasn’t even real yet. He loved them all so much. For the first time, Virgil felt entirely content and happy with what was coming. He fell asleep surrounded by the people he loved most in the world and knew everything was going to work out. It was going to be beautiful. And there was no one else he’d rather have it with.


	2. Memes Make For Serious Business, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets to give the good news to Roman and Patton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This involves Roman and Patton. The relationship there is kind of ambiguous, but I'm partial to QPP royality and psuedo-sibling prinxiety. But interpret however you like!

They were at Roman’s house this time. Virgil was holding a buzzer in one hand, and so was Roman. They were both decked out in their finest Disney merch, though Roman felt as though he were definitely the more prepared in this scenario.

He was also wondering if he should take it easy on Virgil this year. The boyfriend hoard had all stayed over last night, but Virgil had woken up this morning puking. Roman had immediately offered to postpone the duel until Virgil wasn’t sick. Virgil had insisted he was fine, which was normal. Virgil never admitted when he was sick. He hated being sick so much that when it did happen he pretended he was fine to the point that you wouldn’t know unless he puked right in front of you.

Which he had.

What was weird about the situation was the boyfriend hoard: they weren’t concerned. In fact, they had even agreed with Virgil. And with all three of them insisting he was fine, well, Roman really couldn’t object again, could he? Virgil was already talking smack about winning this year, and breaking the tie, and he certainly didn’t look sick now. If he puked again, Roman would set up enforced bed rest and he knew that Patton would be on his side from the worried looks he kept sending their way. But unless that happened, Roman didn’t feel like it was in his power to do anything, best friend or not.

Still, there was something strange going on here.

“We’ll start with the first Disney movie ever made,” Logan said from the podium. Roman’s fairly sure that Logan stole it from a lecture hall years ago when he lost a debate. Roman hadn’t been there when it happened, and he couldn’t rightfully say it was true, but the tail added spice to Logan’s bland character, and also there was a shine in his sneaky eyes that made the idea of Logan being some sort of international criminal all too possible. Call him a fool, but Roman believed in magic and he also believed that Logan was capable of heinous acts.

“Round One is:  _ Snow White _ . Contestants, are you ready?”

“Uhhh-ffirmative, boss man,” Virgil said.

“Ready to kick names and take ass.” Roman stuck his tongue out at Virgil, and Virgil flipped him off.

“Right. Question one: how many dwarves are there?”

Roman slammed his hand down on the buzzer. “Seriously, Logan? That’s child’s play.”

“And that, Roman, was not the correct answer.” Roman squawked indignantly as Virgil hit his buzzer and shouted the answer. Dee was practically doubled over with laughter, and Roman heard him mutter, “we may not even h ave to use the secret weapon at this rate.”

“Did you just say secret weapon? Judge, they’re conspiring to cheat!” Roman yelled at Logan. Logan shrugged.

“Dee, you know the rules.”

“Yes, of course. So does Patton,” Dee said. Virgil punched him in the shoulder, but he was trying not to laugh too.

There was something fishy going on. Roman needed to figure out what.

“Hey, kiddo. I would never do anything against the rules.” Patton held up his hands. Roman watched as he made intense eye contact with Dee, all with the look of angel on his face. “Cheating is bad.”

“So is-”

“Alright, alright. Enough. Point goes to Team Off-Brand Cereal. They lead with a score of 1-0.” Logan pulled the next index card out of the stack. “Question two: What is the Prince’s name in  _ Snow White and The Seven Dwarves _ ?”

Patton pressed the buzzer with a lot less force than Roman had. “What is Prince Florian,” Patton answered promptly. He smiled at Logan.

“Correct. Point to-”

Dee hit their buzzer. “What is Prince Buckethead.”

“Dee, we already said the-”

“Also correct,” Logan announced. “Point to Team Home Of Sexual and Team Off-Brand Cereal.”

“You’re including double answers?” Roman exclaimed. “Oh,  _ it is on _ .” Patton laughed loudly next to him.

“That’s my specialty,” he said coyly, and wrapped an arm through Roman’s. “I know  _ all _ the double answers.”

“I know more,” Dee said, taking a sip from his red bull. Virgil looked at it longingly. Before Patton could retort, Virgil mumbled,

“Can I have some?”

“No.”

“But I want some.”

“No.”

“Logaaaaan,” Virgil whined. Virgil made grabby hands at the can, and Roman snorted.

“Where’s your coffee at, emo nightmare?” Virgil groaned and dropped his head onto the table.

“Virgil is not allowed to have caffeine,” Logan said. “He’s trying to fix his sleeping habits.” Virgil groaned again.

“Okay, what deceitful trick are you three trying to pull?” Roman exclaimed. “You’ve been acting suspicious all day. And Virgil would never willingly give up coffee.”

“It’s not willing,” Virgil grumbled.

“Virgil can do whatever he wants with his sleeping habits when it’s affecting him. However, when he keeps me up until four a.m. and I have work the next morning, it becomes an everyone problem,” Logan said. He gestured at Virgil. “See this? This is a good night’s sleep and healthy consumption of addictive substances.”

“I can’t have  _ any _ ,” Virgil said. He switched his glare between Logan and Dee. “I blame you two for this.”

“I stand by this being a good decision,” Logan said. He looked pleased and happier than the conversation really called for.

“Okay, but why is Dee still drinking it then?” Patton asked. “That’s kind of mean to just taunt him with it.”

“I don’t keep everyone up until work the next morning talking about conspiracy theories when I drink energy drinks. I just vibrate until I can feel my skin falling off.” This brought everything to a pause.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have that either,” Logan said slowly. Dee pulled the can closer to his chest and hissed.

“One thing at a time, Logan,” Logan muttered, closing his eyes.

“Well, um, okay. Maybe we should get back to the game, kiddo? Question Three, right?” Patton said.

“You’re still acting weird, but you’re also going down,” Roman said. Virgil smirked back.

“In your dreams, Princey.” Dee blew a kiss over Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil nodded at Logan. “Question three. We’re ready.”

“Question Three,” Logan said, “in  _ Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs _ , how many songs are sung?”

Roman smacked the buzzer. “Eight!”

“Correct,” Logan intoned. He sounded less like a game show host and more like a robot being tortured, but Roman would take the win either way. “Point to Team Home Of Sexual, with a score of 2-2.”

Roman sent one last glance at Virgil, and then turned back to the game. If he wanted to play the game while at an obvious disadvantage, that was his decision. If he wanted to do it without  _ coffee _ , of all things, then that was also his decision. Roman couldn’t make him wait out whatever weird thing was going on. He could only wipe the floor with Virgil and then insist on him getting some rest after.

_ Three Hours Later _

“Stop throwing things at each other! Where did you even get Monopoly pieces? We’re not playing Monopoly! Patton, stop trying to look at my cards!” Logan yelled. Both sides settled down a little bit. Logan huffed, notecards cradled to his chest. “Alright, thank you. Any disputes can be handled as civilized people and not whatever kind of show you all put on right there.” Logan shook his head. A checker fell out of his hair. “As judge, your opinions don’t matter anyway because I get final say.”

Roman held his breath as Logan glanced over the card and then at the teams. “Virgil said it more quickly, but Roman pressed the buzzer first. Point goes to...Team Home Of Sexual.” Roman and Patton whooped and hugged each other, and Virgil grumbled something about broken buzzers. Logan waved his hands again.

“Okay, okay. Settle down. Nobody’s won yet.” Logan had looked more and more exasperated as the game went on. He was practically slumping now. Roman didn't know how Virgil and Dee got him to go along with this, how they convinced him to ref, but Roman probably didn't want the details on that anyway. “Listen up,” Logan said. “There is only one question left. You're tied. So whoever gets the next question will be the winner of the competition.” He looked between the teams. “I only have one question left. Please, do not cheat.” Logan sighed and looked down at his notecards. “Are you ready?”

“Ready, Lolo,” Virgil chirped, voice too sweet to be anything but scheming. Roman sent a suspicious look at them, but nodded his agreement.

“Settling this, once and for all.”

“Good. The last question pertains to:  _ The Incredibles _ .” Patton whooped; it was one of his favorites. “What phrase does Dash say when the family’s camper stops rolling through Downtown Metroville?”

“VIRGIL’S PREGNANT!” Dee shouted, cutting Roman off.

Virgil hit the buzzer. “Let’s do that again!”

“Virgil’s correct,” Logan announced.

“That’s cheating!” Roman yelled. “You can’t just yell that Virgil’s-Virgil’s...what?” Both Roman and Patton stared at Virgil. Roman had never been quite so confused before in his life, and college was mostly made of apathetic confusion, so that was saying a lot. Then Patton started shaking next to him.

“Virge?” he said with a huge smile across his face.

“Yeah,” Virgil said. He smiled. “I’m pregnant.” Patton stared for a second, and then Roman got up and walked across the room and wrapped Virgil in a hug. Which would have been nice, except then he tightened his grip, lifted, and started spinning. Virgil squawked something to the effect of “put me down, you asshole!” but Roman was chanting something about Virgil having a baby version of himself and Patton was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe and Dee and Logan were sitting side-by-side absolutely not helping Virgil at all.

Eventually, Roman did put him down and Patton darted in for a hug, just as exuberant but with a lot less spinning, and then Roman was hugging him  _ again _ and Virgil had to laugh, even if he thought it was a bit ridiculous.

“Alright, alright,” Virgil said, hugging back. Roman could see Patton doing his best to get both Dee and Logan in a hug at the same time. They were both about as huggable as a cactus, even if Patton was doing a commendable job.

“Virge, this is incredible!” Roman exclaimed, and then gasped. “The Incredibles! You dirty cheater!” He never let go of Virgil, but he did glare at Dee.

“As Roman so aptly noted, what you did  _ was _ cheating,” Logan said. “That means you end another competition in a tie game. Which you knew would happen when you decided your last ditch effort at winning was cheating.”

“Woe is me,” Dee intoned flatly. Roman snorted in Virgil’s ear.

“Another year lost to our mutual love for Disney,” Roman lamented dramatically and swung Virgil up into his arms. Virgil yelped again and then grumbled as Roman went stalking out of the room.

“Roman, where are you taking him?” Logan called after them.

“We are going to marathon Disney until none of us can keep our eyes open! Getting an early start on prep for next year. And then we are going to all sleep in a giant pile on the floor, as is the only sensical solution after such a day of ups and downs!”

“There’s nothing sensical about it,” Logan muttered but followed them into the living room nonetheless. All five of them set about making the perfect pillow nest, and then Roman set up a queue of movies that was almost acceptable for everyone. And as Virgil curled up, suspiciously in the middle of everyone, he smiled.

“Hey, Ro?” he whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Dee and I are going to have another player on our team this time next year. Which means you’ll be out-numbered.”

Roman felt his eyes go wide, and he looked imploringly at Patton. “Patton, my dearheart, my love, my sweetest darling, my-”

“Shut up,” Logan hissed.

“-sweetie pie, we absolutely must adopt a child.”

“Oooooh!” Patton cried at the same time as Dee groaned and Logan shouted, “NO!” Virgil cackled from his spot curled into Roman’s side, and Roman knew, without a doubt, that things were about to get a whole lot cuter.


End file.
